LEARNING THROUGH WEAKNESS

I'm not one to dwell on the negative. If you know me at all, you know I'm basically a positive guy. I've never gone through this kind of experience before and I now understand how quickly you can become preoccupied with suffering. I'm determined not to go there. But neither do I want to live in denial. Balance is an illusive goal.

Last Saturday we moved back into a positive space physically. I/we were released to return to our home in Nanaimo, complete with drainage tubes attached, dressings to be changed every day, enough drugs to start a pharmacy... and my own beautiful nurse to insure that I keep things in order. What a blessing to have this retreat (our new home) in which to convalesce and recover.

With the physical pain basically managed, it is an interesting and difficult experience to deal with the emotional and psychological challenges of recovery. The writer of Hebrews says Jesus , even being the very Son of God "learned obedience through the things that He suffered." Who can plumb the depths of that statement? It's all part of that amazing reality that he "humbled himself and became obedient..." I certainly would not want to be interpreted as pretending to duplicate the experience or holiness of Jesus.

But as I reflect on "learning obedience through suffering" I'm wrestling with the reality of limitations. I have been called upon to be a leader in various situations in life and ministry. I hope I have exemplified the Jesus style of leadershp: servant leadership. But leadership involves control of one kind or another. Suffering usually involves not having control.

Illustration: a young woman, hardly out of high school (or so it seems) is speaking loudly in your ear as you emerge from the anaesthetic: "wiggle your toes, Mr. Birch... wiggle your toes...!" She's the nurse in the post-op recovery room. Talk about not being in control. And that's just the beginning. Your body can't perform the things you have always done, almost instinctively, within your sphere of control. The energy level is barely 10%. And now the nurse is in control. I'm such a lucky guy to have Shirley looking after me. But everything within me says "I should be doing that for her. She shouldn't be doing that for me!"

I could add to the examples. But I've rambled on enough. Simply to say that if and when you are praying for me, pray that I will learn these lessons of submission, patience and obedience. And pray for Shirley that she will continue to have the grace to handle her husband who is used to be in charge. On the medical side, we have appointments in Victoria on Friday for the Dr. to assess and confirm (hopefully) that there are no interruptions on the road to recovery.

As I think about it, I am really a slow learner. None of us was designed to be a control freak. Six simple words from Jesus sum it up: "without me you can do nothing." (John 15:5). Some of us have thicker heads than others.